“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”
– Samuel Ullman

I love the word enthusiasm. It is a Greek word that actually means “within God” (theos meaning God). Enthousiasmos literally means to be inspired by the presence of God. Who can beat that? I think that learning how to be enthusiastic is something that could be taught in the school curriculum. It is a priceless quality, it is contagious, it is infectious, it is the best space to inhabit. It is the driving engine that lets us achieve the impossible. It is the energy that counteracts our doubts, fears, insecurities and discouragement.

I don’t know a lot of people who jump out of bed filled with enthusiasm, but I do know a lot of people who struggle with internal and external circumstances that can bring them down. The gravity of our own thinking and feeling patterns alone can weigh us down unless we are able to conquer them.

How do people find enthusiasm when they don’t love what they do daily? How do we tap into our enthusiasm when we are trapped by our doubts, fears and anxieties? Those negative feelings can shut off the faucet and block the most wonderful state of being enthusiastic about our lives. They might make us give up on our hopes and ourselves. Judgment of ourselves, others and our circumstances (i.e., “This shouldn’t be happening to me”) is the biggest killer of enthusiasm.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best:

Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your mind. Put your whole soul to it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm is not measured in accomplishment but in the essence of what we do. My mother used to say that you can wash dishes and be enthusiastic about it. When you are fully participating and not holding back, the enthusiasm starts to flow. Enthusiasm will help you find your purpose in life, help you reach out when you don’t feel like it, let you share your gift with others and allow your creative spirit to touch other people. It is important to know what lights you up, what your spark is. It is important to find your spark. Sometimes it’s a song, a poem or a picture that triggers your enthusiasm towards expressing your heart and your gift.

Enthusiasm carries you from moment to moment and helps you create when you want to make a difference. It is like a ray of sunshine that is always shining, a sunbeam we follow to help us find our gift or purpose. Sometimes our fears and doubts force us to step outside it. To find the sunshine of our enthusiasm again, we must follow the dust motes that reflect light like little sparks. It is time to rekindle our enthusiasm, to follow the sparks.

I had an experience the other day that reconnected me with my enthusiasm. I had just returned from the hustle and bustle of New York to the quieter suburbs of Los Angeles. I was working on my computer while sitting in the garden bathed by the sun, but I felt rather flat. The jetlag and the change of pace from the busy city to the sleepy suburbs had me struggling to readjust.

It was 3 p.m. in the afternoon when I heard the most wonderful chant. It felt like a call to the spirit. I realized that it was coming from somewhere on the left side, near our garden. I leapt up like a woman possessed and walked out of the garden, out the gate and into the next-door neighbor’s garden. Thank God they didn’t have a gate or I might have climbed over it. I realized the music wasn’t coming from there, and walked into the garden of the house next to them. I felt like Alice in Wonderland following an invisible white rabbit.

There I was in my neighbor’s garden, looking around to find the source of the music. A lovely lady came out of the house and asked me, “Can I help you?” I replied, “Yes, I wanted to introduce myself to you.” Before I had finished my sentence, she greeted me with a huge smile and said, “Your name is Agapi, and it means “love.” I met you at your nieces’ school, where my children also go.”

I asked her if the music she was playing was by Krishna Das. She explained, “It helps me get on with the chores and busyness of my day, while helping me stay enthusiastic.” This woman, in her yoga pants and t-shirt, was glowing. She wasn’t afraid to blast that music through a gated community. She immediately offered to burn me a copy of the CD.

We talked about yoga, Krishna Das and what really helped us shift from our hectic schedules to the flow of life. The music helped her transition. Later, she sent me a link to another artist whom she loves as well. She also offered me a private yoga session with her as a gift. But she had already given me the gift of her enthusiasm. In her e-mail she wrote, “I always follow the spirit within and I’m so happy that you followed yours today and landed along my path.”

The next morning when I woke up, the pack of burned CDs was in my mailbox. That, to me, was an experience of following my enthusiasm. The music sparked my inspiration, and I didn’t let my doubts or anxieties stop me from finding its source. It is impulses like these that, if we follow them, allow us to keep the channels of our enthusiasm open.

We mustn’t crush those leaps of energy in our body that push us to do something outside our comfort zone, reach out to a stranger or attempt a project in an unfamiliar area. Every time we listen to those impulses, we move closer to our sunbeams. I believe that one day we could actually be so anchored in those sunbeams that we would be living in the protective light of their canopy. We would be riding the waves of enthusiasm, leading others to rekindle theirs.

Share with us the ways in which you rekindle your enthusiasm.

In the stunning 102 acres resort of Terranea in Palos Verdes Peninsula, the LA Times Magazine presented its first annual conference on health and wellness. They invited health experts, cancer specialists, nutritionists, and sleep specialists to inspire us to make the commitment to take better care of ourselves on every level.

The conference started with Sheryl Crow, who talked about her experience with cancer. Crow was always healthy and athletic and then got the diagnosis of breast cancer. Her biggest lesson through this journey was that she had to learn to show up for herself and take care of herself.

The daring Laura Ziskin spoke to Dr. John Glaspy about cancer treatment, followed by Dr. Denny Slamon, who shared with us his miraculous work that led to the development of Herceptin, a breast cancer drug which targets a specific genetic alteration found in 25 percent of breast cancer patients. His work has opened the door to a new understanding of the disease. Herceptin is used to treat only what was broken, therefore there are no side effects–only tumor cells are affected by the treatment. The way forward is to attack the specific problem, not the whole body, he said. Dr. Slammon believes that you can’t take a one-size-fits-all approach. Hoping to kill more bad cells than good cells is the old paradigm. Dr Slammon’s is the future.

Marianne Williamson spoke about spiritual empowerment. She explained that the notion the body works only in a mechanistic way is an old Newtonian idea. “As the perceived changes, so does the perceived,” she said. A recognized truth in the new quantum physics.

Times have changed and the necessity for spiritual and emotional support during illness is scientifically recognized and verified. She also spoke of the importance of meditation and how it changes your brain waves. “Meditation is spiritual medicine, meditation is downloading energy.”

She encouraged everyone to raise the vibration into health by meditating every day. She aptly stated that, if a doctor told you to take a pill twice a day to get better, you would do it. She states that, “cancer is powerful but the mind is also powerful not to be underestimated. Patients must be part of the process of healing. Sickness is the absence of health. Health is not the absence of sickness.”

She inspired us with her uplifting message to exercise your mind and have healthy thoughts. It is imperative to retrain your emotional muscles and take healthy things into your mind, body, and spirit.

Dr. P.K. Shah, director of the Division of Cardiology and director of the Oppenheimer Atherosclerosis Research Center at Cedar-Sinai Heart Institute, shared his amazing research on a vaccine to prevent heart disease.

The vaccine that Dr. Shah and his laboratory are working on has the potential to help the millions of people who suffer from arteriosclerosis. Dr. Shah also talked about ways to take care of our hearts and some supplements that can be used to slow down the process of aging such as resveratrol.

Dr. P.K. Shah

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/agapi-stassinopoulos/the-la-times-magazines-da_b_319590.html

<a href=” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/agapi-stassinopoulos/the-la-times-magazines-da_b_319590.html” target=”_blank”>The Huffington Post</a>

Anne Wojcicki, dubbed the “gene queen” by her peers is the cofounder of 23andme, an organization whose mission is to be the worlds most trusted source for personal genetic information. She is a brilliant scientist, with a great humanitarian heart. 23andme gives people access to their DNA. This is useful for many reasons. 1) Genetic markers can predict side effects which can make drugs safer, more efficacious, and allow adverse events to be predicted. 2) They can prevent disease and Genetics can predict disease.

With the knowledge of our genetics we can make decisions to change behavior and therefore our health. People can also look at different aspects of their genetics and can learn about their ancestors.

Her goal is to make genetics a part of medicine. She has also developed, 23andwe, which is a shared database that has the potential to help consumers band together and organize their own research. The test costs merely $400.00.

The one and only beloved Dr. Soram Khalsa evoked the power of Vitamin D, showing us charts and research proving how Vitamin D strengthens our immune system and prevents cancer and heart failure. You might as well call him “Dr Khalsa states that breast cancer patients with low vitamin D at the time of diagnosis were 73 percent more likely to die over an 11 year period and that men with low vitamin D are more likely to have a heart attack” He has written the book, “The Vitamin D Revolution”–it is worth the read.

Dr. Soram Khalsa, Part 1.

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Dr. Soram Khalsa, Part 2.

<a href=” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/agapi-stassinopoulos/the-la-times-magazines-da_b_319590.html” target=”_blank”>The Huffington Post</a>

Dr. Sonia Ancoli-Israel, PhD, researches the effects of sleep disorders on aging, circadian rhythms on sleep, therapeutic interventions, and treatments for sleep problems in dementia and fatigue. Dr. Israel shared the stage with her patient, Fred Roberts. The discussion centered around the many years that Fred had suffered from the treatment of doctors who gave him numerous medications to fall asleep and to wake up from sleep, And even more medications when these medications failed. Dr. Israel gave some very didactic information stating that, adults need 7-10 hours of sleep. Teenagers need more sleep. Sleep is controlled by the biological clock, (circadian rhythms). She suggested that someone try the following suggestions when suffering from insomnia and that not all sleep disorders are treated effectively with drugs. She suggests:

• Get rid of the clock next to your bed
• Use bed only for sleep (and good sex)
• When you can’t sleep, don’t get out of bed unless 20 minutes have passed
• Always keep the same schedule, you can’t control what time you go to sleep but you can control the time you get up. Always get up the at the same time.
• No alcohol
• Stress – find 10 or 20 minutes to sit and worry so that you don’t do it at night.
• If these suggestions don’t work you can do a “Sleep study.”

If the findings show sleep apnea, there is a breathing machine that is very helpful, although initially difficult to get used to, it promotes healthy sleep in those suffering from apnea.

Dr. Fred Roberts told us that sleep deprivation has an impact on mind, body, and spirit and insomnia can be cured without sleeping pills, if only we find a great doctor with compassion who is effective in working through the major problems of insomnia and doesn’t believe in quick fixes (medicine) that deeply damage the psyche of the body mind and spirit.

Kathy Freston, author of Quantum Wellness and a passionate vegan, interviewed Rory Freedman, author of Skinny Bitch showing us how we can become vegetarian and vegan one step at a time.

Kathy Freston

<a href=” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/agapi-stassinopoulos/the-la-times-magazines-da_b_319590.html” target=”_blank”>The Huffington Post</a>

Rory Freedman

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Cara Natterson, a pediatrician and author of three books, including “Dangerous or Safe?” spoke about how to make decisions about what foods, drinks, medicines and common household materials are hazardous to kids and which ones are simply victims of hype. She spoke passionately about the potential deleterious affects of cell phone and cordless phone usage as related to the massive increase in brain cancers. Dr. Natterson stresses the importance of using head-phones or speaker phones, rather than putting the device to your ear.

Lectures were going on simultaneously in two different rooms so I had to sacrifice some, but here are the rest of the speakers:

LA’s editor-in-chief Annie Gilbar who spearheaded the whole idea for the conference talked with Dr. Judith Reichman about questions we’re afraid to ask doctors; Dr. Sue Smalley, Dr. Dan Siegel, and Marvin Belzer, PhD of UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Institute spoke about meditation; Dr. Tim Miller, plastic surgeon and Operation Mend founder, with Octavio Sanchez, Iraq War veteran, talked about efforts to treat wounded U.S. military personnel; Ashley Koff, registered dietician and author of “Food Cures” spoke about nutrition; Brad Bose, PhD, personal training and fitness expert gave a talk on finding balance in exercise; Paco McCauley and Dr. Steven Graff-Radford had a patient-doctor conversation on pain management; and Ross Szabo spoke about mental illness on behalf of the National Institute of Mental Health. In addition, Emmy winner Tyce Diorio presented the piece he choreographed in honor of breast cancer for season five of “So You Think You Can Dance”.

Ashley Koff <a href=” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/agapi-stassinopoulos/the-la-times-magazines-da_b_319590.html” target=”_blank”>The Huffington Post</a>

We left with goodie bags, including the ground-breaking breast cancer DVD, “The Path of Wellness and Healing.” This inspirational guide explores the entire breast cancer experience blending cutting-edge science with traditional and complementary healing. It helps women navigate complex decisions about treatment and recovery with a mission to heal the whole person: body, mind and spirit and inspire hope. Not only does this DVD serve those diagnosed with breast cancer, all proceeds go to breast cancer research! It is an extraordinary labor of love that is amassed for anyone who has the disease or knows anyone who has it – which includes all of us, I’m sure.

What an extraordinary day The LA Times Magazine produced for all of us where there is room for conversation, creating the tribe of health and wellness that we’re all part of.

No one knows what’s going to happen because it has never happened before. I read this the other day on a postcard, and it started me thinking about this fear of the unknown and the comfort zones that keep us safe, outside of unexplored territories. We often don’t know, when we start something, how it will end, how it will be received, and where it will leave us in relationships with ourselves. In other words, what judgment will we make about ourselves and our world? Will we be able to withstand it if things don’t work out? Too often, we stop the whisper of our inner voice, because our self-protective side — our intelligent being — steps in to keep us in survival mode.

I have heard so many women say “I don’t know what my voice is” or “If I have a voice, I don’t know what I want to say or do” . . . What is our unique voice, our expressive self that makes us feel alive? These questions are the beginning of the struggle of expression: I call it the process of defrosting ourselves.

The thawing process is not a comfortable experience — thawing out the parts of ourselves that we keep locked in the freezer because of our fear of being wrong, judged, hurt, ridiculed, thought of as less than perfect, et cetera, et cetera . . . All those times we wanted to say something and didn’t, wanted to do something and didn’t, wanted to love someone and didn’t, wanted to tell someone the truth and didn’t — these become our frozen, justified expressions. They are the cloak and disguise, the belief that creates a canopy of separation between our authentic self and our self-image that we sometimes call the ego.

When I was a young girl in London straight out of drama school, I needed to join London equity so I could audition for parts. The quickest way I could think of to make this happen was to ask a friend who owned a Greek restaurant to hire me as one of the restaurant’s dancers. The other girls were very experienced and had been doing it for years. I rehearsed quite a bit but I never managed to do it just right — I faked it and I stepped on many toes, but I kept trying for weeks, and practiced walking through my feelings of inadequacy. The reality was that the other girls were much better and I knew I would never come up to their level, but I didn’t care. I got my equity card, and I felt great.

Years later in L.A., I created a one-woman show called “Conversations with the Goddesses,” and took it everywhere, from museums to colleges. It occurred to me how great it would be to write a book on the story of the goddesses — to link art and literature and my love of theater and tie it all together. I put a three-page proposal together and called it “Goddess: A Celebration in Art and Literature.” Through a friend, I heard about a well-known and prolific publisher. It took four months of scheduling and rescheduling to make a meeting with her happen. But finally, one Tuesday morning at 9:00 a.m. at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, I met with her, showed her the proposal, and told her my idea. “You must do this,” she said — “it’s a great idea, and I want to introduce you to someone who can help you structure it into a book.”

She then proceeded to pull out a 200-page book galley called Goddess: a Celebration in Art and Literature. “By the way,” she said, “I want to share with you a book I’m doing right now — a history of the goddesses around the world.”

My heart sank. “You’re already doing a similar book,” I lamented.

“But yours will be different,” she said, “because it’s yours, and it will be your voice.” She told me, “You don’t know what you are going to write yet because the book has not been written.” The next two years were the most transformational years of my life. The book gave birth to what would be my voice; it opened a new path to my expression.

But it was a long and arduous path to get there. I had to overcome all of my doubts, insecurities, and the unknown — giving up control and using all my strategies to accomplish what seemed a task assigned by the goddesses — did feel like a Herculian effort.

I spent days, months actually, staring into the abyss of a structure I had no idea how to tackle, and dealing with an overwhelming fear that maybe I didn’t know how to do this at all; and, worst case, that maybe I had nothing to say. The day I finished the manuscript I wept. Finally, I had been defrosted and I knew my life would never be the same.

After the book was published, doors began to open. And it wasn’t long before the book and I found an audience that resonated with the message I wanted to share. Since then, whenever anyone comes to me and says “I want to do a book,” or whatever is an “unknown” to them, I only have words of encouragement and support, and do everything I can to facilitate their defrosting process.

After all, the greatest joy comes from being there for others — to accompany them along the path of finding their true voice.

Editor’s Note: Stacey Lawson is off this week, but please look for the return of her column next Monday.

Wouldn’t it be nice if just as we are about to embark on a new experience — a new relationship, a new job, motherhood, or just moving to a new town — we could print out the directions so we know what the route looks like?

Where is MapQuest when we’re launching the next part of our life’s journey?

We can’t exactly type in where we’re headed and print out the directions . . . and not only that, we can’t take our familiar old baggage with us, either. Life simply presents itself and says: leap and meet yourself in a new way you’ve never seen before.

Of course, our survival instinct resists the change. It puts the brakes on. Why venture into unknown territory when we’re managing alright just where we are? Isn’t this good enough? The status quo may have stopped nourishing us long ago, but we stick to it, figuring that at least it’s a comfort zone that offers security — and we can keep trying to squeeze a trickle of sustenance from it.

Moving through my own life experiences, I didn’t have a clue how one thing would lead to the next. We never do. Only in retrospect can I see that there was a road map all along, a route beautifully laid out. Yes, there were pauses, setbacks and moments when I was stopped in my tracks. Sometimes I asked someone at the gas station when I should turn next. There were a few steep hills and windy mountain roads with no shoulder or a sudden drop-off. Most of the time I was in the driver’s seat, though sometimes I let someone else take the wheel, just for the heck of it. Occasionally I picked up a passenger, or two, though mostly I was on my own. But I never did drive off a cliff or total the car. I always arrived at my destination or somewhere even better, glad for the journey.

So now I’ve decided to exercise the law of assumption. I’m assuming the road I am on will get me exactly where I am supposed to be. Why not act as if the directions are there, revealing themselves at the perfect time?

I have learned to rely on an invisible MapQuest — the directions for a life plan specifically designed for each one of us. Granted, this MapQuest isn’t available in the least before you put your foot on the gas pedal. You have to quiet the mental chatter from the back seat that’s asking: How long ’til we get there? How far to the next turn? And be confident that you will know. You have to ignore the traffic jam outside the window and listen to your internal GPS. It’s always there, though until we’re used to tuning in, it feels deaf and dumb.

If we’re not hearing it, we may protest: Where is this guidance when I need it? Where is the voice telling me how many more dates before I meet Mr. Right? How many more interviews before I get the job?

Here are some pointers on using God’s MapQuest:

- Wrong turns are allowed; so is backing up.

- Honor the red lights; a green light will always follow.

- Be patient at a long red light; there’s a reason for it.

- Choose your passengers and copilots wisely.

- It’s best to be in the driver’s seat.

- If you are in the back seat, make sure you have chosen to sit there; don’t unconsciously hand the car keys to someone.

- A dead end is good news — It’s time for a new route.

- Watch for signs; there are always plenty along the road.

Knowing that God’s MapQuest is always available, I dare to drive into unexplored territory, to take the interstate, or a little byway, into the places of my wildest dreams and be amazed to find what is waiting there for me. I usually have an end destination in mind, only to find when I arrive that the vistas are different — and often better than I imagined.

And here’s the best part: The internal conflicting directions — go here; no wait, go there — are fewer because I’m finally cooperating with the master plan. And for that I’m simply grateful.

In Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, Viola, one of the main characters, disguises herself as a man in order to get a job with the local prince. As a result, she finds herself entangled in the mess of an unrequited love triangle: She falls in love with the prince, who is in love with the local princess, who subsequently falls in love with Viola when she (dressed as a man) goes to woo the princess on the prince’s behalf. Exasperated with her situation, Viola throws her arms in the air and exclaims: “Oh Time, thou must untangle this, not I … it is too hard a knot for me to untie!” She is calling on time to sort her problem out.

Having encountered a few “knots” of my own over my lifetime, I too have learned the value of time as an ally in working out problems. Through the power of our mind, we all have the ability to move into a timeless zone–that place inside us where time actually expands and what seems to be a dead-end situation with no solution at hand becomes an opportunity for awareness and growth, for letting go and moving forward.

Have you ever been in a situation where it felt as though time stopped? Where you lost track of time? Think about the last time you were in love. There wasn’t enough time! An entire evening with the one you love seemed like only a minute! Or how about when you took an exam or had to wait in a seemingly endless line? Twenty minutes became an eternity! The truth is that time, whether we realize it or not, is a manmade concept that we can learn to control.

When a challenging situation hijacks our focus, the world begins to narrow, the pressure we feel increases, and our mind shuts off … it’s like we cut off the circulation and the blood that oxygenates our brain. We diminish our sense of self and lessen our ability to problem-solve. How, then, do we break open our focus and cause time to expand so that we may regain perspective and wisdom? Ah, there is the rub!

I discovered the priceless key of expanding time during a period of major transition in my life. I had just moved from Los Angeles to New York, leaving behind the safe and cozy nest of my family in order to explore writing my first book and to spend more time with a man I was in love with, whom I had deemed to be “the one” for me. (I hadn’t yet learned that no man is “the one.” But we all have to cross that dark bridge to nowhere, and no mother or best friend or encyclopedia for relationships can teach us that particular lesson.)

So there I was bravely branching out into a new life, when out of the blue the man I was dating told me he had been diagnosed with skin cancer and would have to have surgery. Because the relationship was young, he pulled back from me and I of course took it personally. Feeling rejected and hurt, I pulled back too. At the same time, my publisher asked me to almost completely rewrite the proposal for my book! I was practically starting all over again.

I found myself feeling at the crossroads of an unfamiliar journey. I had left the comforting folds of my family to pursue an exciting dream, and I felt overwhelmed with the letdown when it looked like it was falling apart and there was nothing to replace it with. In an attempt to alleviate my unhappiness and fear, I sat quietly in prayer, asking for assistance and meditating to receive an answer about how to cope with the situation.

This is what took place for me: In my mind I traveled way beyond that present moment; an imaginary time machine took me to the year 3005. As my mind stretched, I could see all that had changed! (And a lot had changed!) I was seeing people, faces, the earth … I was elevated in an expanded state of mind. I had an experience of transient reality. Time as I had known it collapsed, and suddenly I was detached from my problems, no longer bound to my earthly perspective. I could see the whole picture of my life, because my mind was no longer focused on that one moment of difficulty. I saw that I was much bigger than the situation, that I was completely capable of handling it. Not only was I no longer at the effect of it, I was now actually in charge! I was actually embracing that moment, which in this new perspective seemed like a mere thread in the vast tapestry of my life.

My judgments, thoughts, and concerns–that inner dialogue about how terrible the events were and how they never should have happened–evaporated. I had unplugged from the source of my stress. And in the altitude of my new perspective, I had the space to recharge. I was more expanded, more present, and therefore accessing more of my inner wisdom and power. One year later, I finished my book, and my life was enriched by it and all of the experiences that resulted from it. I became aware of how grateful I was that the relationship never worked out, and I became stronger and gained confidence about who I am.

Now, when things in my life get tight or uncomfortable, I have a great reference point to draw on. My little “Year 3005″ exercise provides me with the creative tool I need to shift and be lifted into the Power of Perspective, reminding me of my bigger picture. In that place, the pressure cooker of time’s confines and my own emotional contraction ease up, allowing me to breathe free.

My close friends who know my story now use this tool as well. We have a secret code, and when one of us gets stressed out or overwhelmed, we simply say to each other in a soft voice: “It was the year 3005 … and the rest is history.”

Try it! Pick any year in the future you want . You might be surprised how your mind will take you there. Unlike Shakespeare’s Viola, you’ll be able to untie the knot all by yourself.

Recycled thoughts are not healthy for sustainable living.

Have you noticed how often the same thoughts circle through your mind? They come while we’re getting dressed for work, driving, during any activity, even in our sleep. They can be incomplete feelings, incomplete thoughts or actions — regrets of some kind. Thoughts like: “I shouldn’t have done that,” “I shouldn’t have said that.” Or things we haven’t said; things we wanted to do but haven’t, things we fear to attempt.

For example, while I was in the dentist’s chair recently, I looked down at my feet and I was again reminded that my favorite black jeans were too short. When I bought them, I had asked that they be shortened only a little, but the woman at the store did not do this and took too much off the bottom. They are the perfect fit, yet every time I wear them I am irritated about this woman and that my jeans don’t feel right.

At the dentist, I realized that I had been recycling these thoughts every time I wore these jeans since I bought them four months ago. I decided to do something about it .

There seemed to be at least four things I could do. I could go back to the shop and tell the woman that I think she shortened the jeans too much and that they are ruined. I would accept that it was my mistake for not doing this earlier since she may say there is nothing she can do, and that I should have complained sooner. I could let go of the past and give them away. Or I could accept that fact that they are shorter than I want.

Whatever I chose, I decided that I was done with this recycling of inner complaining about the woman’s actions.

This internal dialogue prompted me to think about how the incomplete, recycled thoughts drain our life energy. There are hundreds of these thoughts – from the mundane to the major- that come up in a day, and to keep them from depleting our energy, we must take mental dominion and deal with them right then and there. The task at hand is to catch ourselves when we have repeating thoughts and ask ourselves, “Is there something I need to express or address about this? Or what do I need to do to declare it complete?”

When we catch repeated thoughts, we can give them a voice and an action — a completion. This frees up our energy. For our own growth, we need to be dedicated to seeing what ‘s the message in these thoughts; and once we discover the wisdom they might be hiding we can understand ourselves more fully. The little things that happen give us insight into how we’re made our personal patterns how we’ve conditioned ourselves and how we can course-correct and put ourselves in alignment again. They can become a signposts for awareness .

We must ask ourselves why we keep coming back to this thought. Is there a lesson to be learned about something we didn’t do or where we didn’t listen to ourselves or honor our needs? Is there wisdom to be gained that we have not yet realized?

I ended up giving my jeans to a friend who was shorter than me. I knew that, though I loved them, every time I put them on the thought was going to come up, and I didn’t want to expend that energy. I wanted peace more than the jeans.

Ultimately, we choose what takes up our consciousness, so, for me, I had to remove the jeans from my vision, so they ll be removed from my consciousness, for the thought to be complete in me.

We learn from our experiences. We integrate them and evolve. They sharpen us and make us more efficient as they teach us to course-correct. When I have pants altered now, I know exactly what to ask for, and I have them made longer. I always check the length before I leave the store.

And this learning can be applied to the more important experiences in our life.

Tips for Completing Thought Cycles:

1. Catch yourself doing it.
2. Express the unexpressed.
3. Look for the wisdom to be learned.
4. Declare it complete or decide what action you want to take that would complete it for you.
5. Take that action and declare it complete.

Life happens in the moment. If you train yourself to respond in the moment, then you are empowered. This allows you to start to pick up on the nuances in life, the subtext, and begin to really listen to what people are saying, what they are feeling and where they are coming from.

Completing recycled thoughts does two things. It frees up energy and aligns us with ourselves. By removing the web of incomplete thoughts, we can develop a real connection to ourselves. Instead of asking each other, “How are you?” how about be asking, “Are you connected to you?” — what connects us to ourselves is not the big things, but the little things that go on every day.

By completing these thoughts, we harness our energy. If we allow incomplete thoughts to circle through our heads, we step away from ourselves.

To live a peaceful, productive life, we have to be strong, ruthless protectors of our life’s energy. We cannot engage in endless conversations that take us round and round, consuming time, focus and energy. We’re designed for bigger, more important conversations.

With the stunning shakeup in our economy, it is easy to have our personal confidence shaken. How then can we each have those wonderful feelings of confidence that some people radiate — as if they have been touched by the gods?

In order to move forward, we must realize that those gods are within us all — they are parts of ourselves. They are the better angels of our nature, intent that we succeed. Our confidence is based on a deep core of spiritual ethics and a trust that says we are not alone, that the spirit of who we are is mightier than the one that lives in the world. Our life is not a singular act.It involves our higher self — our wisdom, compassion and the ability to tap into our unlimited spiritual source that connects us not only to others but to our own power. That mentality can bring a confidence that is unshakable.

Yet, if we turn on ourselves and fall into unhealthy, unsupportive patterns — like negative projections, self-rejecting, seeing failure instead of success, seeing the worst outcome before we even try — then we will walk on unsteady ground.

We also sabotage our confidence by giving our power over to others, thinking they know better — or actually are better in some way. We amplify those people as we diminish ourselves, through fear of ridicule, and comparing, and self-criticizing.

How then do we boost our own confidence? Simple. We must become our own cheerleader, through thoughts that lift and boost us, and by having people around us that build our confidence. We need to learn to acknowledge ourselves and give ourselves credit.

We must also have compassion for ourselves — realizing that we are all similar in more ways than we know. Our basic needs are the same. This was evident on the U.S. Airways plane that landed on the Hudson. In that crisis there was no hierarchy over who had the better job, more money in the bank, or the right Prada handbag. So when you go to your next situation, imagine that reality. Imagine the people you are with on that plane on the Hudson, and this might free you up to be you!

If you are waiting to do things perfectly, forget it. Confidence has nothing to do with perfection. It has to do with a quality of deep self-acceptance that leads us to do things in a masterful way, as it allows us to speak our mind and our hearts.

Shakespeare said it best in Measure for Measure, “Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win. By fearing to attempt.” Doubt and fear are the byproducts of our own negative voices and the enemies of the sturdiness that comes from confidence.

How then do we assume confidence? How do we by pass the voice of doubt that blocks The way to our confidence? Yes, being good at what you do, money in the bank, people who love you, being acknowledged, feeling attractive, the right clothes, the right looks, are all good. But I have seen people with all that who still lack confidence.

I am talking about another kind of confidence — the confidence of self that comes from a deep awareness and knowing that you don’t walk alone. I am talking about the confidence of who you are in you — no matter your abilities; that place where you can do what you need to do and ask and receive and create. The confidence that comes from knowing your value — not because of what you do but because of who you are. It is that core feeling that feels like a bungee cord to the source… priceless!

When we experience that, it is like a tsunami of higher consciousness. Available to all at no charge! Instead of the high price we pay for denying ourselves our opportunity to be who we are and fulfill our potential.

When I was writing my first book, Conversations with the Goddesses, searching for my voice and plagued with the doubt that I could finish, a dear friend came to stay for the weekend. She woke me at the crack of dawn and said, like the Greek oracle, “I have a message for you.”
She then told me, “You have everything you need to write this book except one thing: confidence. You think you have to do it alone, but you have help that is invisible. That is your creative force, waiting for you to give yourself permission to hear it.”

She sat me in my living room and there, at the big pad I keep by my desk, she had me write: “My confidence comes from knowing that I am not alone in this writing of my book. I have invisible help from spirit and I assume it.”

From that moment on, I wrote with a different Voice, knowing that I was not alone. I had to ask my mind to take a back seat and allow my creative self to appear in my writing. In our daily actions we must tap into these deeper parts of ourselves in order to operate with confidence.

I have a sign on my desk that says, “I cannot afford the luxury of my own insecurities.” This is true.
To create what we want in our lives, we must breathe in confidence and exhale those insecurities that undermine us. The assumed confidence gave me courage and evoked my hidden voice. I kept taking the steps and they led me onto a bigger field of knowledge — and success.

I woke up to the realization that I had in me so much more than I ever imagined. I just needed the confidence to know I could do it.

We need to take mental dominion over ourselves, so the negative voices can diminish and gradually disappear. Then we can hear a big “YES” that becomes so loud it drowns out any voice that would undermine us. We don’t know how far and high that path can take us, but it is worth taking.

When we finish, we will find that we are walking through our lives, actions and relationships in the field of our confidence. Not because we know the outcome of situations and circumstances, but because we know that, no matter the outcome, we are valuable, worthwhile and lovable beings. Nothing can diminish the essence of who we are. Those gods walk with us and hover about us, rooting for us to win .

We all have habitual, negative thinking, feeling and doing patterns that sabotage our success, happiness and well-being. They become so ingrained that we think we have no power to change them. They simply become part of our daily life.

Being passionate about Greek mythology and archetypes, I thought of how the myth of Sisyphus might relate to our lives. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the myth, let me tell you about it.

Sisyphus — a crafty and arrogant man — was condemned by Zeus for his bad deeds to roll a rock up a hill, only to have it roll right back down before he could get it to the top. He would have to repeat this task day after day for eternity — a punishment you might not wish on your worst enemy, unless perhaps he was an ex-husband, wife or lover who left you for your best friend.

So, everyday he rolled that rock up the hill, and lo and behold, down came the rock. Sisyphus was under a spell — a severe punishment from the gods. But what could Sisyphus do to break the spell? If you’re anything like me, you would look for a way to stop with the rock already! One way I’d say to handle the challenge is one of the most time-tested (and fairy-tale embedded) methods: Whistle while you work. Even the most mundane or difficult things in life become a little easier when you whistle, don’t you agree? That certainly would have made it more fun!

Or he could give up and not do anything the next day but sit on the rock and gaze out into the beautiful Mediterranean landscape. Focusing more on the beauty around would be an excellent escape.

He could shout for help from someone… two people rolling that rock up the hill is much easier than one. Or, instead of letting the rock do it’s thing and roll right back down, when he got to the top, he could defy the expectations and push that bloody rock over the top of the hill. Maybe pushing a little bit harder would break the spell.

Or, what if, while he was up there, he kicked the rock with such force that it rolled all the way down the mountain, into the valley and through the river? He’d have to follow it to find it, and the rock would show him a whole new way! What if he sang “rock a bye, baby” to the rock and rocked himself to sleep? The point is, there are many ways to break through self-imposed habits that can feel like punishment from the gods.

But, I think the best way to handle it would have been if Sisyphus didn’t buy into the absurdity of the sentence in the first place. Many of us are like Sisyphus, in that we perpetuate our own suffering and buy into the condemnation. We create our own (seemingly interminable) sentences. It really comes down to how we choose to see these situations that seem like such dire punishments.

Let’s imagine what would have happened if Sisyphus woke up one morning and said, “This is a myth! I don’t have to push that rock up and down ever again if I don’t want to. I don’t have to make believe it will be different tomorrow. I don’t have to suffer… I can leave that rock, and I can leave that mountain, and I can go to another place! I can go to the plains where there are no mountains, or I can go to a field of flowers, or a river, or a big city!” What if Sisyphus knew he had choices?

Even though the traditional myth hasn’t allowed him to break the spell of his punishment, I say, you are not enslaved like Sisyphus. Sometimes our rock is a struggle and we can’t give up the struggle. We are invested in the fact that we’re the only ones who can solve the puzzles of our situations — but there are many other people in this world who would be happy to extend their help with our obstacles. Maybe the way to break the spell is to ask. Ask, but don’t stop when you get a “no.” Ask until you get help.

So now I ask you: What is your rock you’ve been rolling up the hill? Is it your relationship with your significant other? Is it your complaining about your job? Is it an addiction to sugar, coffee and/or alcohol, or being an emotional eater? Is your Sisyphean rock broken promises or future wishing with no action? Is it being the savior or the martyr, always taking care of others and neglecting yourself? Or is it a certain resentment that keeps festering inside?

It could also be comparison, guilt, competition, anger, procrastination, an attitude of defeat or a belief that love will never find you. Or is it your expectations of how things should be that cuts off your ability to live in the moment? Holding onto these rocks gives us sense of self-rejection or self-abandonment, which lock in the negative beliefs and patterns within ourselves that spoil what is good in our daily life. I always have to put down the rock of my critical voice, my resistance to doing those things that uplift me and ride up that mountain with the joy lift.

What rock keeps draining your life force? Isn’t it time you put the rock down and walked into your clear path, which is right down the mountain from where you are standing? Stop investing in your myth and invest in you. You are much more worthy than your myth or the rock you are carrying on your back! You may be thinking that the gods are punishing you, but you’re the only one who can give them that authority. It’s time that you demystified those punishing gods inside of you and put them in their place. Tell them to go take a hike. Take your authority back from them. And when you do, you can be an example — a light to others to show them how you stepped out of your Sisyphean gridlock and broke the chains.

I’d love to know what is your personal “Sisyphus rock.” and what you did with it.